I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
