I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
