Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
