Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
