I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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