I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Randomize
