census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
