Can i not drive my cunt home
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Randomize
