I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
