Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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