We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Randomize
