I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I yelled at your uterus for you.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
