I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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