you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
