I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
