Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
