when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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