a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
