i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
