Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
