he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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