I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
