i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Randomize
