New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
