Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
