paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
