we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
