so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I want to be your penis for a week.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
