this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
