I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
