What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
