I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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