peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
