How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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