i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
