I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
