If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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