the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
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