do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
did i walk over a car last night?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
