the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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