end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
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