I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
