That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I am mentally ready for anal.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
