And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
You ruined the universe
Randomize
