I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
