If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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