you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
