i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
