remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
