Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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