You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Randomize
