the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
