She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
