OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
