just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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